


Of punishment and atonement

by vogue91



Series: 500themes [81]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Arguing, Caring, Doubt, Established Relationship, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Rough Sex, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 09:28:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21455794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “I hate you when you get like this.”“You should love me, instead. I'm giving you an out from always having to take it slow for my sake.”“I don’t need any out.” he told him. “I need to know that you’re fine.”
Relationships: Nakajima Yuto/Yaotome Hikaru
Series: 500themes [81]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1029878
Kudos: 6





	Of punishment and atonement

**Title: **Of punishment and atonement

**Characters: **Yaotome Hikaru, Nakajima Yuto

**Pairing: **Yaotome Hikaru/Nakajima Yuto

**Rating: **NC-17

**Word count: **3.194

**Prompt: **[287\. And it is terrible](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/05/500themes.html); [22 – On the desk](http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2019/01/30-days-otp-challenge-nsfw-version.html)

**N/A: **Written for the 30 day OTP challenge – NSFW Version.

Sometimes, Yuto wished his own emotions didn’t interfere as much in his relationship with Hikaru.

He was pissed, that night. He had been the whole day, and he knew the elder hadn’t failed to notice; being respectful and – well – probably wanting to avoid ending up being in the eye of the storm as it often happened, he hadn’t asked anything.

And he hadn’t asked anything when, as soon as they had crossed the door home, Yuto had basically attacked him.

They hadn’t made it till the bedroom, Yuto hadn’t let it happen; so he was currently sitting on the dining room table, his legs spread and his boyfriend three-fingers deep inside of him, making him moan shamelessly at the treatment.

It wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t nearly enough, and all that Yuto wanted was to take his own rage and pass it to him, so that he could give him what he needed. As soon as humanly possible.

“Come on, Hikka.” he whined, pushing against the intrusion to take the fingers deeper. “I’ve been ready for ages, don’t linger.”

The elder raised his eyes on him, dubious.

“You’ve rushed me through everything already, Yutti. We skipped basically every step that usually brings us here, will you at least let me do this properly?”

Yuto didn’t have time for proper. Nor he wanted it.

He took a deep breath, shaking his head.

“For once, really, just try not to be your usual over-caring self and _give it to me_. Please.” he said, firm, knowing it was not a very nice thing to say to Hikaru – who took caring about him very seriously. But he was going to think about it later, he really couldn’t bother himself with it right now.

Hikaru paused for a second, then he removed the fingers abruptly.

“As you wish.” he said, cold, bringing his hands to the small of Yuto’s back to pull him toward himself, making him sit on the edge of the table; he moved one hand to his own cock, positioned it against the younger’s entrance and started pushing inside, not nearly as slow as he usually did it.

It hurt like hell. And at the same time it felt wonderful, and it was just what Yuto needed.

“Like that.” he gasped, thrusting his hips forward to tell Hikaru he could go even faster. The elder bottomed out in the next ten seconds, and from the look on his face Yuto could tell he wasn’t very happy about himself.

Oh, well. Yuto was.

“I hate you when you get like this.” Hikaru murmured, leaning against him and resting his chin on his shoulder. Yuto knew he didn’t mean it, that he wasn’t talking about real hate at all, but it still got to him.

“You should love me, instead. I'm giving you an out from always having to take it slow for my sake.” he murmured, feeling overwhelmed by the sensation of having Hikaru deep inside himself and not moving.

Yaotome pulled back, looking very seriously at him, but still finding it in himself to caress his face, tenderly.

“I don’t need any out.” he told him. “I need to know that you’re fine.”

Yuto closed his eyes for a second.

As much as he always mocked him about it, he loved this side of him. He loved to hear him say how much he cared, he loved all of his concern and he loved how safe he made him feel.

But there wasn’t currently any room for it, not in Yuto’s mind at least.

“I will be fine.” he promised. “I will be fine in less than ten minutes, if you start moving.”

Hikaru sighed briefly and nodded.

And then, he didn’t hold back anymore.

As much as it went against his nature, he was familiar with this mood on Yuto. He knew he wasn’t going to gain anything by holding his punches, that the younger was only going to end up unsatisfied, so he still did his best to please him.

And Yuto was incredibly pleased.

He wrapped his legs tight around the elder’s hips, clinging on to him for dear life as Hikaru drove himself inside of him hard, choosing depth over speed for now, knowing it always got Yuto off easier when he got like this.

Yuto thanked his good star for the perfect knowledge his boyfriend had of his body and his disposition, and kept spurring him on, leaning back a little so that he could reach deeper.

“Is this what you wanted?” Hikaru asked, completely in the right set of mind now, holding tight onto Yuto’s hips as he kept ramming inside of him, mercilessly. “Being taken as if I don’t even care about what you feel? As if you’re just lying there for me to use?”

He didn’t mean it. Of course he didn’t.

“Yes. Yes, for heaven’s sake, that’s what I want.” Yuto replied, wincing as the thrusts got even harder. “For you to just take me. I'm here for this, am I not? I want to keep feeling you tomorrow, I want to be sore and think that you did this to me. I always want to feel like you’re on me, Hikaru. Just...” he stopped abruptly when the elder added speed into the mix, now fucking him relentlessly, as if he was just trying to shut him up. 

“Touch yourself, if you want to come.” Hikaru told him a short while later, sending jolts down Yuto’s spine.

He complied, promptly, knowing this wasn’t going to last much longer. Not when he was so worked up.

He sat straight again, increasing the feeling of tightness for Hikaru and getting closer to him, leaning his forehead against his shoulder as he kept jerking himself off.

“I'm not going to last.” he warned him, panting heavily, biting softly on his shoulder to vent some of the frustration he currently felt.

“Me neither.” Hikaru reassured him, holding his hips tighter. “Come, Yuto. Just come.”

And it worked like magic; the next thing he knew, Yuto was over the edge, his hand moving erratically as he spilled all over it and his stomach, feeling completely empty. He leaned back, then, not missing the way Hikaru helped him doing so without hurting himself, and just laid there with his eyes closed, focusing on the feeling of Hikaru still moving inside of him, the beautiful pain he felt, how it was too much and still not enough.

It didn’t last, anyway; a few moments later he felt him still, and opened his eyes in time to see the ecstatic look on his face as he came inside of him, thrusting through his orgasm until he was completely spent and finally stopped.

It felt unreal, for a moment. Hikaru’s hands were still tight around his hips, his cock was going soft inside of him, slipping out and leaving a mess behind; it didn’t feel uncomfortable, though, not yet.

Still lying on the table, he watched Hikaru pull away and walk toward the bathroom, reappearing ten seconds later with a wet cloth in his hands.

Yuto sat up, feeling as sore as he had requested and then some, throwing an apologetic look at him.

“Hikka...” he murmured, as the elder cleaned both of them in a mechanical way, his eyes low.

“What?” he asked; he didn’t really sound mad. Disappointed, maybe.

“Will you kiss me?” Yuto asked, blushing a little, and Hikaru raised his head just in time to see that.

“I don’t know.” he said, sarcastic. “Wouldn’t that constitute caring about you?”

Yuto took the hit, because it was well deserved.

“And you don’t?” he asked, forcing a smile on his face.

Hikaru sighed, deeply, abandoning the cloth on the table and taking a step back to look at him.

“You know, I really don’t mind having sex with you like this. I like it when you just want to lay there and take it, it turns me on and I'm not ashamed to admit it.” he licked his lower lip, thoughtful. “But I don’t like it when it sounds like you mean it. Like you genuinely think I should stop caring whether you get hurt or not, whether you like it too or not.” he kept looking at him, apparently concerned. “I wish you would talk to me when something bothers you, instead of having me taking it out on your poor body.”

Yuto couldn’t help but chuckle at that, even though it was a very precise way to describe the dynamics of what had happened.

“Just come here.” he asked, reaching out to grab his hand and pulling him closer again. “I don’t like the way I feel when I'm like this. It’s like I want you to break me, to let all the anger out of me and...” he shrugged, uncomfortable. “And then I want you to put the pieces back, too.”

Hikaru let out an exasperated sigh, but then he complied to his previous request and leant down to kiss him, far more intense than he would’ve normally made it.

“I love you.” he said, once he pulled away. “You know that, right? No matter what you do and what you say, you’ll never get me to stop loving you.”

That felt better. That felt good enough that – had Yuto thought about it before – he wouldn’t have needed the sex, the roughness, the pain, anything of the sort. He threw his arms around Hikaru’s neck and held him close, turning his face to kiss the side of his head.

“Of course I know.” he murmured against his skin. “And I wasn’t doubting that. I...” he paused, and didn’t seem like he was willing to keep going from there.

Hikaru pushed him away a little, then helped him off the table and guided him toward the couch, looking pretty angry when the younger winced as he sat down.

“What was it?” he asked, crossing his arms and looking intently at him. “Were you mad at me specifically or was I just the only one who was around to be a victim of your fury?”

Yuto chuckled, shaking his head. He got closer to him, and started to lazily caress his leg, as he grabbed a blanket to cover himself up. Suddenly, he felt incredibly self-conscious.

“It wasn’t you.” he reassured him, then grimaced. “Well... not entirely, at least.” he let out an exasperated sound. “You know, last night?”

Hikaru frowned, nodding.

“Yes. You went out with Suda-kun, didn’t you?” he got tense, his features hardening. “Did something weird happen?”

Yuto smirked, pleased, and shook his head.

“Not in the way your silly mind is imagining.” he rushed to tell him, before he could get off the couch and go kill Masaki.

Hikaru seemed to calm down enough to keep listening.

“Then what happened?” he asked, genuinely curious now.

Yuto sighed, feeling a little uncomfortable.

“Well, we drank quite a bit.” he shrugged. “He more than me, actually. And he’s my friend and all, but he becomes obnoxious when he drinks.”

“He’s not too pleasant when he’s sober either.” Hikaru commented briefly, a completely fake smile on his face. Yuto chuckled, hitting his shoulder.

“Cut the jealous act, Hikka. Trust me, there won’t be any need for it soon.” he sucked in his lips. “He was going on about something about a date he’s been to, he talked about it _forever_, I honestly just wanted to shut him up about it. And then, in a complete non sequitur, he up and asked me whether you were seeing anyone.” he said, in a rush, as if he wanted to get it off his chest as soon as possible.

“_Me_?” Hikaru replied, in complete disbelief. “What’s he gotten in his mind?”

Yuto’s features hardened, as he went through the details of the previous night in his head. He wished he would’ve been drunker, so that they wouldn’t have been so clear.

“He kept saying how nice you are, how kind, and...” he winced. “And how _hot_ you look.” he shook his head. “He’s seen you like three times in his whole life, Hikaru. Don’t I always tell you you’re too polite to people you don’t know well? Why can’t you be afraid of strangers like Yuri or something?” he complained, now feeling just as pissed as before. He tried to calm down, anyway, which was the whole point of opening up with his boyfriend.

Hikaru frowned, confused.

“So you’re mad because _your _friend thinks I'm nice and hot?” he asked. “It’s not my fault, you know. Besides, I’ve made it abundantly clear I can’t stand him, so there’s really nothing to worry about. I don’t think I’ll ride off with him into the sunset leaving you behind any time soon.” he joked, even though the look on his face was still puzzled.

Yuto rolled his eyes.

Missing the point, of course. He should’ve expected that.

“I'm not jealous of Masaki.” he said, disdainful. “The part of me that didn’t want to kill him, actually, found it pretty fun when I thought what you think of him.”

“It is. And it also was quite useful, when you think about it. I'm likely to be less jealous now that I know that I'm more his type than you.” he tilted his head, looking intently at the younger. “So what is it, Yutti? Until now, it doesn’t look like something which should’ve triggered what just went down.”

“It shouldn’t.” Yuto confirmed, nodding. “But, Hikka, what do you think I replied when he asked me about your love life?”

Hikaru goggled, the question coming completely unexpected.

“Well... if it had been me, I would’ve kept it vague and told him something like I thought you were seeing someone but wasn’t too sure. I would’ve played it safe.”

“I'm glad you’re so confident.” Yuto hissed, sounding annoyed as hell now. “I wish you had more friends interested in me, since you can deal with it so good.” he bit his tongue and closed his eyes briefly. This wasn’t going to lead him nowhere. “I, on the other hand, wasn’t as ready of mind as you apparently are. So I told him that to the extent of my knowledge you weren’t seeing anybody.” he let out a frustrated sound, and now truly got carried away by what had been whirling inside his mind the whole day. “I thought about it for a split second, he didn’t give me much more than that. And I thought that we’re on the down low, that we shouldn’t advertise our relationship too much, so I just told him you were single and for the taking.” he sighed. “It killed me, Hikaru. It killed me telling him, it killed me having to stay there and hear _from him_ how wonderful you are, without getting a chance to tell him I fucking know how good you are, that he doesn’t have any idea just how much, and that he shouldn’t even dare saying your name, because you’re _mine_.” there he realized he had taken it too far and stopped, blushing hard. “I'm sorry. I don’t know why it got so much to me, but it did. And it is terrible how I reacted and how I took it out on you. I'm so sorry about that, Hikka. I shouldn’t have given it another thought, maybe I would’ve been fine.”

Hikaru kept quiet for a while, looking at him as if he was studying him.

After some time he stretched his arm, bringing it around Yuto’s shoulders to pull him closer, and kissed him.

“I'm sorry.” he said, and he sounded sincere enough that Yuto felt less angry already. “You’re right, if I had heard someone speaking like that of you, I would’ve probably drowned them in their drink. You’ve been very good in letting him live, when you think about it.” he gave him another quick peck on the lips before going on. “But really, Yutti, I know we have to be discreet and everything, but... we told the guys because they’re our friends and it would’ve been hard to keep it from them. As much as it pains me and makes me think your tastes in friends are horrible, you _care_ for that insufferable little idiot. So I think you should’ve just told him.”

Yuto rolled in his arms, raising his head to look him straight in the eyes.

“I didn’t want to... you know, without telling you first. I couldn’t make a judgement call, even though seen as it went down, I wish I had.” he shrugged. “So, next time I’m with him I can tell him that he’s out of luck?” he asked, hopeful.

Hikaru chuckled, nodding.

“Next time you see him, you can tell him that actually I'm seeing someone, that the person I'm seeing is the man I love and will love forever. That I care for him more than I care about myself, and that since I'm with him I haven’t been able to even throw a look in any other man’s direction.” he smiled, fondly. “Then, if it gets too personal or uncomfortable, feel free to also tell him I hate him.” he added, smirking.

“Hikka!” Yuto pulled up, shaking his head. “I should’ve excused myself to the bathroom and called you to rescue me. You’re just so good at that.” he admitted, pouting a little.

Hikaru laughed, bringing him back between his arms.

“I'm sorry I haven’t insisted to find out what had triggered your bad mood. You should really stop reacting that way, Yu.” he scolded him, brushing a hand through his hair.

“It soothes me.” Yuto replied, taking a deep breath. “Whenever I feel insecure, feeling you like that... it calms me. It makes me feel like I belong to you and vice versa. I wouldn’t let anyone in the whole world do that to me, I wouldn’t make myself so vulnerable. That is why. I need to remind to myself that what we have is...” again, he paused, but from the kiss that followed he knew Hikaru had gotten the gist of it.

“I still disapprove your methods, even though I see your reasons.” he reassured him. “And we’re not going anywhere, Yu. I don’t care about the thousands of Suda Masakis out there in the world.” he smiled. “I'm yours anyway, I seem to understand.”

Yuto closed his eyes, content, snuggling up against his chest.

“I'm glad you see it my way.” he joked, kissing the elder’s naked skin and pulling the blanket to cover them both. “Now, if you’ll let me, I want to stay like this for a while. I'm a little sore, my boyfriend got rough with me tonight.”

From the way Hikaru’s chest jumped he knew he was about to say – or most likely yell – something at him, but apparently in the end he decided he was going to let this go.

Yuto felt glad; he didn’t want to argue anymore.

He just wanted to stay there, with the man he loved and who loved him, without caring at all about who knew and who didn’t. It only mattered that Yuto did. 


End file.
